2012-13 Uncovered: Tuesday 7th August - No Chance Of Getting Rocks Off

   'Er indoors wasn't happy.  Chipper and I looked at the friendlies for clubs in the Phoenix FM area.  Billericay were at home.  Brentwood were just down the road at Canvey.  East Thurrock United, meanwhile, were on a grinding trip around the M25 at Potters Bar.  It would be stupid to go to that one .... "Yes.  Let's go."  Good lad.

   It was 'er indoors with the motor though.  I had the flimsiest of pretexts.  "It's a live online match so I've got to go."  She was going to miss Eastenders and instead would be watching a meaningless friendly of a sport she doesn't really give a monkey's about.  I know how to treat a woman.

   We get there in plenty of time, despite slightly going into Enfield rather than Potters Bar.  I like the mix of trees and housing.  It puts me in mind of Clachnacuddin.  Except without the slashed car tyres and reams of ex-Rangers fans crying their eyes out.

   But seven quid?  Even though the Rocks are Ryman Premier, a bit much for a pre-season friendly.  It's reflected in the low turnout.  Maybe Ian Beale was a better option after all.

   But then again, the Rocks did so much last season.  An epic FA Cup run, ending in front of the nation's tv cameras, Sky Sports News, a thousand locals, and me on the mic.  On top of that, a League Cup Final slot came their way, though the less said about that the better.  Perhaps the hosts thought they'd be a draw?  Hmmmm ....

   The Rocks come out in their new away kit of black and white stripes.  Thin stripes, more Juventus than Newcastle  - it's what I tell myself anyway.  They look sharp, passing and moving well.  The home keeper is in inspired form.  All the while, 'er indoors is playing on her phone.

   Then the inevitable happens.  Potters Bar go 2-0 from their first three shots.  Simon Peddie unleashes an expletive that Phil Mitchell would have heard.  Chipper and I laugh.  it's just the way things are.  90,000 at Wembley one week, getting your arse kicked by Potters Bar the next.  That's life, not just football.

   The Rocks keep playing, though, and just before the hour, Chipper goes for a piss, with the Rocks just 2-1 down thanks to a penalty.  He returns.  I tell him "You haven't missed much.  It's 3-2." ...  "Did we go 3-1 down or was it 2-2?" ... "No, we're winning 3-2 now."  He looks to the sky, laughs, and almost swears.


   Potters Bar come right back in it, equalise, get it disallowed by the lino, but then gets re-awarded by the ref.  3-3.  Something I may have slightly missed in my updates.  It's all irrelevant in any case when East Thurrock grab a late fourth.

   The teams go off the same way they came on.  To indifferent silence from a small crowd.  I have a quick word with John Coventry in the car park.  You often hear people saying 'oh, so-and-so's a great guy' in football, when all it is, is people blowing smoke up each others backsides. 

   John, though, is a genuinely decent bloke.  Thoroughly grounded, always has time for everyone, and a nice line in dry wit.  It's a pity I'm not like that but there you are.

   And so we headed home, completing an evening of utter pointlessness.  No Eastenders for 'Er indoors.  No six-a-sides for Chipper.  And all for a glorified training session, for which I forked out £24 for the privilege, including bus stop squares.

   Good innit.

   Potters Bar Town 3 (or maybe 2, but probably 3),  East Thurrock United 4