The omens weren't looking good. The clouds were gathering in stormy reverie. But enough of my stomach cramps. Time for another evening out at the football.
Southend United were in action. Well, their reserves, youths, and players coming back from injury. Which might be all they have left soon. Rumours of an embargo persisting. Players being paid late, or not at all, as well as other club staff. A higher turnover of chief executives than supporters through the turnstiles. And the latest one having left his last post because he didn't like the way that club was being run. Perhaps a strong sense of irony was in the job spec.
Spa Road, the home of Ryman One North new boys Witham Town, was the destination. Another new ground for Ed. Not sure if Bri had been here, but I'd imagine it was on the list of 4,873 grounds that he had been to.
He's still a puppy, though, compared to Coxy, a legend of relatively small proportions, that figure is tiny. And Coxy is but a kitten compared to Dagenham Kev. And his Mum. These are not made up people, by the way. In the world of groundhoppers, they are revered gods of the county. Revered by people who need help, admittedly, but revered nonetheless.
The one big positive throughout all of the Shrimpers woes, though, is the manager Paul Sturrock. We wander through the turnstiles, and there he is, leaning on the railings by the side of the pitch, his team sheet written on a bit of scrap paper. He turns and smiles to all of us and has a bit of a chat to us.
He's seen better days. I remember him terrorising Scottish and European defences when Dundee United were at the top of their game. European Cup semi-finals, UEFA Cup runs, domestic glory, he was a hell of a forward. A Hearts supporter as well. Oh yes.
He always has a wry grin, and there's a demeanour about him that he's a football man through and through. You get the feeling that he'd still be doing this even if it was a wet Sunday morning in Carstairs and had to pay a hundred quid to do so. A nice line in dry wit as well. Another job spec requirement at Southend United, I guess.
For their part, Witham had suffered their own cruel slings of fate. Relegated to the Essex Senior League in the only season in living memory that two went down from the Ryman instead of one. To get back up, there are 12 places in Step 4 leagues available each season, but 14 leagues in Step 5 it feeds from. The following season, Witham were 13th out of the 14 clubs eligible. It took them another two years to go back up.
Two clubs that had been shat on by Lady Luck. My spidey senses didn't need to be tingled to realise that something just had to go wrong tonight. There was no women about to tingle them anyway, but still, I couldn't put my finger on it. There was this feeling that a seemingly mundane kickabout between reserves and up and coming fringe players could yet throw something up. And that's without the sugar being poured onto the chips, which plenty of us did, thanks to the cunning lay-out of the burger bar. And yes, 'cunning' is a typo.
It was all going to plan. Southend took the lead in the first minute. Was I watching. Was I f .... or crying out loud, no. Tackles were flying in, lots of shouting. I say shouting, it sounded more like a meeting of the Bee Gees Glee Club. I'm not saying their were youngsters out there but the only dropped balls out there was from the home keeper dealing with a high cross.
It was good, competitive stuff, and it was possibly slightly against the run of play when the Shrimpers doubled their lead from a decent header. By that time, though, there was the unmistakable smell of smoke. We peered down to the burger bar but it seemed all was well.
Then it came. Then after I'd cleaned myself up it there was a flickering shadow on the pitch. The small crowd looked. Just in time to hear the "Pfffffffft!" and see the smoke rising out of the floodlight in the corner, as darkness fell onto a corner of the pitch. Yep, Lady Luck had delivered her dump.
The ref had no choice, match abandoned after less than 40 minutes. Paul Sturrock smiled wryly. We, though, had a choice. Just up the road, Stanway Rovers were playing London Apsa in the Essex Senior Cup. As we'd kicked off early at Spa Road, we'd see the entire second half easily. Oh yes.
We reached The Hawthorns just as the teams were running out for the second half. It may have been just a few miles up the road, it may be the same county, but this was another world. A tractor down the side of the pitch. And locals saying "Go on Roverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs" in an accent more rural than a pig in sh .. a pig in a pig sty.
The hosts led 1-0 at the break, apparently, and were attacking the goal the entire crowd were congregated at. It was the only part of the ground other than the seats that had a roof. It had started to pour down. Getting close to monsoon proportions after a while, too, as both sides trudged around. An enticing thought occurred to us. We could be at two abandonments on the same night. Fire, and then flood. If only we could find another game, we could then go for pestilence.
The rain abated, though, and as it did so, Ed's eyes widened as he spotted an Olympic medallist. It wasn't difficult to spot, as she was wearing the medal. No sarky comments from me though. A powerlifter. She can wear what she wants. I'd draw the line at a Col Ewe shirt though. Even I have standards.
Meanwhile, on the pitch, the London Apsa keeper was showing he has a big future ahead of him. Not the tallest, but good command of his area, decent reflexes, and talked to his defence all the way through. One save, low down, tipping the ball round the far post, you won't see better anywhere else this season. The whole crowd applauded that one.
Stanway doubled their lead from the penalty spot, Apsa got back into it with a few minutes left to ensure their were brown pants under those black shorted hosts for the last few minutes, but the game was made safe with an injury killer third for the home side.
We filed out, with Ed and Bri having their pic taken with the Olympian. Even though the kids were there, they weren't even using them as an excuse. She was all too happy to oblige, and she's a bang on girl, supporting her local team. Zoe Newson, Olympic medallist, and Stanway Rovers or London Apsa supporter even when it's pissing down. I salute you.
Because you'd beat the crap out of me if I didn't.
Witham Town 0, Southend United 2
Stanway Rovers 3, London Apsa 1
Southend United were in action. Well, their reserves, youths, and players coming back from injury. Which might be all they have left soon. Rumours of an embargo persisting. Players being paid late, or not at all, as well as other club staff. A higher turnover of chief executives than supporters through the turnstiles. And the latest one having left his last post because he didn't like the way that club was being run. Perhaps a strong sense of irony was in the job spec.
He's still a puppy, though, compared to Coxy, a legend of relatively small proportions, that figure is tiny. And Coxy is but a kitten compared to Dagenham Kev. And his Mum. These are not made up people, by the way. In the world of groundhoppers, they are revered gods of the county. Revered by people who need help, admittedly, but revered nonetheless.
The one big positive throughout all of the Shrimpers woes, though, is the manager Paul Sturrock. We wander through the turnstiles, and there he is, leaning on the railings by the side of the pitch, his team sheet written on a bit of scrap paper. He turns and smiles to all of us and has a bit of a chat to us.
He's seen better days. I remember him terrorising Scottish and European defences when Dundee United were at the top of their game. European Cup semi-finals, UEFA Cup runs, domestic glory, he was a hell of a forward. A Hearts supporter as well. Oh yes.
For their part, Witham had suffered their own cruel slings of fate. Relegated to the Essex Senior League in the only season in living memory that two went down from the Ryman instead of one. To get back up, there are 12 places in Step 4 leagues available each season, but 14 leagues in Step 5 it feeds from. The following season, Witham were 13th out of the 14 clubs eligible. It took them another two years to go back up.
Two clubs that had been shat on by Lady Luck. My spidey senses didn't need to be tingled to realise that something just had to go wrong tonight. There was no women about to tingle them anyway, but still, I couldn't put my finger on it. There was this feeling that a seemingly mundane kickabout between reserves and up and coming fringe players could yet throw something up. And that's without the sugar being poured onto the chips, which plenty of us did, thanks to the cunning lay-out of the burger bar. And yes, 'cunning' is a typo.
It was all going to plan. Southend took the lead in the first minute. Was I watching. Was I f .... or crying out loud, no. Tackles were flying in, lots of shouting. I say shouting, it sounded more like a meeting of the Bee Gees Glee Club. I'm not saying their were youngsters out there but the only dropped balls out there was from the home keeper dealing with a high cross.
Then it came. Then after I'd cleaned myself up it there was a flickering shadow on the pitch. The small crowd looked. Just in time to hear the "Pfffffffft!" and see the smoke rising out of the floodlight in the corner, as darkness fell onto a corner of the pitch. Yep, Lady Luck had delivered her dump.
The ref had no choice, match abandoned after less than 40 minutes. Paul Sturrock smiled wryly. We, though, had a choice. Just up the road, Stanway Rovers were playing London Apsa in the Essex Senior Cup. As we'd kicked off early at Spa Road, we'd see the entire second half easily. Oh yes.
The hosts led 1-0 at the break, apparently, and were attacking the goal the entire crowd were congregated at. It was the only part of the ground other than the seats that had a roof. It had started to pour down. Getting close to monsoon proportions after a while, too, as both sides trudged around. An enticing thought occurred to us. We could be at two abandonments on the same night. Fire, and then flood. If only we could find another game, we could then go for pestilence.
The rain abated, though, and as it did so, Ed's eyes widened as he spotted an Olympic medallist. It wasn't difficult to spot, as she was wearing the medal. No sarky comments from me though. A powerlifter. She can wear what she wants. I'd draw the line at a Col Ewe shirt though. Even I have standards.
Stanway doubled their lead from the penalty spot, Apsa got back into it with a few minutes left to ensure their were brown pants under those black shorted hosts for the last few minutes, but the game was made safe with an injury killer third for the home side.
We filed out, with Ed and Bri having their pic taken with the Olympian. Even though the kids were there, they weren't even using them as an excuse. She was all too happy to oblige, and she's a bang on girl, supporting her local team. Zoe Newson, Olympic medallist, and Stanway Rovers or London Apsa supporter even when it's pissing down. I salute you.
Because you'd beat the crap out of me if I didn't.
Witham Town 0, Southend United 2
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